heavy stuff... but with a retreat

Okay.
So.
I've been avoiding the blog.
I can't really explain why exactly... I guess I've just been feeling so heavy... so empty... (look, I'm already not making any sense; feeling heavy and empty at the same time???). You know what I mean... when you feel so emotionally drained, you're just heavy and dragging?
I had a rough day a few days ago, with some not so pretty stuff to deal with emotionally and it's been a long week trying to shake that off. It's actually been a really good week since then... the kids are good, and Ryan's good, and we've had some really good days. I was just still a bit emotionally drained and so writing about the lighter, happier things we've been up to was just kind of hard to do.
It's just like, have you ever been in this place where you have something so heavy on your heart that it's just always there in the back of your mind, and everything else feels like just going through the motions? And as you deal with things, and time heals things, you slowly break out of that a little at a time? That's kind of how my week has been.

So not to dwell on that. As I shake that off, I'm really looking forward to this weekend!
Oh, did I forget to mention this weekend?
Well, it was originally going to be planned as a girl's getaway weekend, with Katie, Nicole, Leslie, Maria and I. And while it is still girls getting away, it's only two of us... me and Nicole. Due to work schedules, a mom-to-be uneasy about leaving town, and I don't even know what else anymore (that's a whole nother drama I won't even begin to get into), it's dwindled down to the two of us troopers. Yes, Nicole and I were bound and determined to stick to the plan of getting away from husbands and kids and having some good old fashioned girl time. No babies crawling on us, no husbands playing fantasy football, no kids waking us up at the crack of dawn. The original plan was to head up to the Huff's cottage on the river and just have some great R & R. But when that fell through, Nic and I started exploring other options, and now we're headed to the Windy City. We are heading out early Saturday morning to Michigan City, and then taking a train into Chicago to shop, eat and chat the day away. We'll spend the day there and then that night take a train back to Michigan City to spend the night. Then we'll take our time getting up and around and do a little more shopping at the outlets there in MC before we drive home later on Sunday. Now, when I say shopping, I mean most likely just a lot of window shopping for me, but I am going to try and get some Christmas shopping done. At the last minute we found a hotel... er, I mean Motel, for super cheap. As in $39 cheap. Kinda scary, but that saves us each like another 25 dollars to spend on other stuff instead of the hotel we were going with at first. It'll be an adventure!

Anyway, I have to admit that a few days ago, I was really not wanting to go. And I was angry about the fact that so much *drama* went into planning this trip (no, I still won't get into that), that there was NO WAY that I could bail on Nicole.
First I just wanted to curl up and be by myself; NOT to have to be happy and be good company and do my part in making our trip fun. And then I just wanted to stay home and be with my family... to treasure my kids and my husband and spend some good quality time together.
And now, last night for the first time in awhile, I was actually getting excited about going again. I'm ready to have fun. And as much as I know I love my family, I'm thankful that we get to go do this and that I get to take some time for myself. And take some time to get to know Nicole better. Us girls love to talk, you know! I'm just sorry all the girls couldn't make it... that I couldn't use this time to get to know everyone better. We'll just have to do this again soon!